I heard about how annoying and increasingly widespread use of bullshit corporate jargon the radio today, now personally I've never known anyone to use this shit, but frankly I think it's hilarious. So I did a little scoring of the net and found some bit's of office jargon, and I am giving out my meanings to this crap.
1. Natural tea break - Something you are not supposed to do on our time, we will be installing the catheters soon to prevent this.
2. Downsizing - we fucked up and are firing you for our mistakes.
3. Outsourcing - you're too expensive to employ any more, there’s a hell hole in Mumbai where it will be done for less.
4. wrinkle - A shriveled and diseased bell end.
5. SMART (Specific Measurable Agreed Realistic Time-bound) - We want it done cheap and fucking quick.
6. Walk The Talk - To strut round looking important and talking utter bollocks.
7. Networking - Getting pissed at the pub and brown nosing like a twat.
8. Contact Centre - A hell hole in Mumbai full of poorly paid chimps who can barley speak English contracted out to deal with customers in the UK, mostly to deal with banking or computer support AKA. a call center.
9. Helicopter View - Someone who has their head so far up in the clouds they have no fucking clue what is going on below, see also "Brown tunnel vision" for someone who has their head firmly up their arse.
10. Work-Life balance - The reasons given as to why you should be here more, and see your estranged partner, kids, family less. Work is your life dammit!
11. Event Management - Organizing piss up sessions.
12. B2B - Business only, Because the public are penniless cunts.
13. Seamless - So easy it flows like a river of bricks and raw shit.
14. SME (Small matter Expert) - Someone who’s sucked up to the boss so often they know exactly how big his dick actually is, after all he's opened up his fly on them enough times already, they should know.
15. Multi-tasking - A way of saying to someone that you are the perfect worker ant.
16. Grow the brand - Looking at ways to sell garbage to mugs, like the public.
17. Touching base - The art of bringing a female to orgasm with your fingers or tongue. Protip! : you need to find the thing known as the "clit".
18. Escalate - Sucking off your boss to get some other twat fired.
19. blamestorming - Finding a scapegoat for your own failings then going to your boss to "Escalate" about them.
20. boss-spasming - Walking in on your boss while he is engaged in watching nasty Russian bestiality videos on the internet, or while he's in the middle of an "Escalating" meeting.